Hello James Hanna-Magill, I am very happy that my piece has reached out to you the way I wanted it to reach out to men. I was born a woman and all my life I have been probing the equality 50/50. I never wanted to have special privileges for the simple reason that I was a women, especially not a job. Too many times I heard, quote, ´oh the job position must go to her because she’s a woman’. I never wanted and never will want a job based on the simple reason that I am a woman. I want to have a job based on my competencies and nothing else.
Every year since I can remember, I always stirred up ideas of gender equality, especially on ´women’s day’ and OMG to I 3ver get bashed by frustrated feminists. I don’t mind I still continue and will always vote for gender equality.
I know you are intringued on the why, am I right? Well, I have the amazing chance of working in a domain tagged as ´male-oriented’; i.e. I am a geologist working with a minimum of men/women ration of 75/25 for the past 30 years.
How does this impact my already pro gender equality philosophy you are go8bg to ask?
Well working with guys is awesome. There is no backstabbing, no competition, no mind playing games or mean bullying. I must have been lucky because during my entire career, men have threated me with nothing but respect, and so did I. Simple communication is established and thrust in the team was always felt both ways.
Working with men, though, ha opened my eyes on their day to day combat dealing with their women. We get to chat and exchange on our relationships. Guys tell me everything they have to endure with their mates and I am often flabbergasted they endure all this abuse.
Abuse they relate is of various source. Mainly psychological, physical and just plain unhealthy manipulations. They are often constrained in their relationships to accept attitude no women would ever accept. From what I witness and hear from their sincere confidential exchanges is that they mostly have no say in nothing in their lives; from their home styles, to their own styles, to their vacations, to their meals and most have also related to having kids and/or how many kids they would feel comfortable with.
Guys ´use’ me as their confident and everytime I tell them why do you accept all this bullshit? Generally, their answers come down to ‘Do I really have a choice?’ Where I reply ‘Yeah for sure’. They en pd up shaking their heads and inevitably add ‘My girlfriend is not as comprehensive as you’. Where I reply ‘For me it is simple logic’ and there they just ended up laughing saying ‘Oh your boyfriend is one lucky guy’.
When my 28-year old boyfriend dumped me three years ago for a girl half our age, 100% of my male colleagues were pearls, they would comfort me and try to cheer me up by saying ‘He’s a fool’ he will wake up one day regretting. And he did regret a month later, but that is another story.
Even if this ex-soulmate broke my heart, I never once wished anything bad for him. My female friends were expressing such anger and hate towards my situation and were pushing me to do the same. I could not find it in me to express hate towards him, never tried to turn any friends against him and never talked shit about him.
My female friends were mostly telling me I was not normal, that I should hate him and hate his new girlfriend. I did not, for me all this nightmare was called life.
I specifically chose to not hate men after this rough episode of my life. Again I was judged by who do you think? Women! Yep trying to get me to hate men and turn bitter.
Within the low ratio of women in my working domain, I often here them talk shit about their mates on various points. Most of the time I end up concluding in my mind, most girls are going out with a guy, not for the guy, but for what the guy can bring in the relationship, and here I am talking materialistically and not emotionally or spiritually.
Again not my cup of tea. I will never go out with a guy based on how he can ‘enrich’ my material life but mainly on how he can ‘enrich’ my life emotionally and spiritually. The rest for me is not important.
A relationship for me is three person, the couple and each individual. living with someone does not give the other person the right to control, manipulate, disrespect and try to change the other. So until that is understood, women are going to continue to go out with guys by applying castrating forces to keep them under their thumbs, and that as a woman disgusts me.
I hope ‘Women’s Day’ gets abolished and replaced by genuine 365 days of 50/50 equality. A girl can dream…